First published in Elephant Journal July 2025.
("Yeah yeah, I’m a therapist, I already do." But… did I?)
I followed my soul’s calling — and it brought me to Lisbon with a newborn and a five-year-old.
After five years of dreaming about living abroad, I finally did it. I was five months pregnant when I decided I’d move to Lisbon. I planned to go in September — as soon as I could get a passport for my daughter. The urgency was simple: I didn’t want my five-year-old son to start school in the UK and then be uprooted three months later.
So, instead of the relaxed pregnancy you might imagine, mine was full of sorting flats, researching schools, designing a new website, shipping toys, and preparing for a career pivot. Nesting, yes — but with one foot already out of the country.
Two weeks after my baby was born, we were on the plane. “When will you rest?” people asked. “When I get to Lisbon,” I told them.
Spoiler: Lisbon wasn’t the rest I imagined.
In reality, it was the beginning of a solo-parenting whirlwind. My son had a tough adjustment to school. My baby screamed every time I put her down. I had a shiny new website and well-packaged services — and no clients. The biggest fear, day after day, was money. Would it run out?
Ten months later, I can see that of course my nervous system was dis-regulated. I was overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, anxious — and ashamed of how often I snapped.
But at the time, it didn’t register as “unsafe.” It just felt… familiar.
When constant stress is your normal
Growing up, I lived with a parent whose nervous system was chronically dis-regulated — due to their own unresolved intergenerational trauma. I walked on eggshells most of the time. I remember feeling deeply relaxed only when they weren’t home.
My grandfather once dragged me by the hair to the toilet because the toilet paper had run out. He said my sister and I were dirty pigs. That kind of nervous system imprint doesn’t just go away.
We piggyback off our parents’ nervous systems. When theirs is frazzled or frozen, ours doesn’t feel safe either — even if we can’t articulate that at the time. Our young amygdalas are always scanning: Is it safe to relax? Is it safe to be?
What is “dis-regulation,” anyway?
A dis-regulated nervous system is one that’s outside the Window of Tolerance — a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel. This “window” is the zone where we feel grounded enough to process emotions, stay present, and make good decisions. Outside of it, we’re either in hyperarousal (fight, flight, panic, anger) or hypoarousal (shutdown, numbness, dissociation).
Children attune to their caregivers’ nervous systems. If our caregivers live outside the Window of Tolerance, we don’t just notice it — we absorb it.
And so, over time, not feeling safe becomes the new normal. We adapt.
I learned to cope by dissociating and controlling. I seemed calm to others — and in some ways, I was. But it was the stillness of hypervigilance, not peace. The kind of stillness where a deer freezes in the forest, hoping not to be seen.
And then Lisbon brought it all up.
Here’s the part I don’t want to skip — the part I believe matters most.
Looking back, I can see that the situation was divinely orchestrated. Call it God, Source, the Universe — whatever language you use. I believe I was being offered a chance to address something foundational.
It wasn’t just the practical stressors. The move, the money fear, the solo parenting — they were real. But what was being asked of me was deeper:
To address the part of me who still felt, every day, like the floor could give way at any moment.
That part didn’t need a strategy. She needed safety.
Yes, I looked at astrology — Mars was transiting my twelfth house, the house of the subconscious. That gave my inner controller a framework, a timeline. I pulled Tarot cards and knew I was in a Tower moment. But after the Tower? Comes the Star.
This was the work. And it was time to do it.
Even pain holds gold.
I believe the hard stuff holds treasure — if we’re willing to stay with it. Even when it’s horrible. Even when it feels like we’ll break.
Whatever comes up is here for a reason.
Because we can’t create abundance on a cracked foundation. We have to feel safe — not just think safe — in order to truly receive what we’re manifesting.
That’s why nervous system work is so powerful. It’s not “just” trauma healing — it’s foundation building. For the life, income, and creative vision you want to birth.
Nature first
Nature is proven to regulate the nervous system. Studies have shown that spending time in green spaces reduces cortisol levels, lowers heart rate, and activates the parasympathetic nervous system. According to research from the University of Michigan, just 20 minutes in nature can significantly lower stress hormones.
We went to Monsanto Park every weekend, walking among eucalyptus and pine. Afterward, I was more available to breathwork, music, even conversation. The forest reset me.
Connected breathing
I followed Dan Brulé’s work on breath — using his YouTube videos to do 3–4 sessions a week once the kids were in bed.
Brulé is a master of modern breathwork, known for blending ancient wisdom with neuroscience and deep spiritual awareness. His style is simple, intuitive, and powerful. Breathing this way activated my parasympathetic system — the rest-and-digest state — and allowed me to touch into the divine, into clarity, into quiet.
The “Voo” sound
When I felt panic or overwhelm rise, I used a simple tool from Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges): the “Voo” sound.
It’s exactly what it sounds like — a deep, slow “vooo.” The vibration stimulates the vagus nerve, which plays a central role in calming our bodies and signalling safety. I’d do it quietly, taking deep breaths and letting the sound ground me. (Not ideal in a shopping centre — but perfect at home.)
EMDR: Healing the unsafe child
I used EMDR to go deeper.
I brought to mind a specific memory — or reconstructed one — of my younger self feeling unsafe. I noticed the sensations, the emotion, and the belief: I’m unsafe.
Then I tapped bilaterally and followed where my mind and body led. Sometimes memories came. Sometimes nothing. I always remind clients: you can’t get this wrong.
Once the intensity settled, I did the re-do: inviting in nurturing, protective figures to intervene. A superhero. A social worker. A kind animal. I let them comfort her.
Then I installed a new belief: I am safe now.
I’m also working with: It’s safe to feel certain. Because back then, certainty felt dangerous. You had to stay on edge to be prepared. But I want certainty now. I want it to feel safe.
So how does this relate to money?
Completely.
Most of us want money not just for things — but for the feeling it brings. Safety. Freedom. Certainty.
But here’s the paradox: we can’t manifest those things unless we already feel them internally.
The more I create internal safety, the more external security mirrors it back. My income reflects my regulation. My opportunities match my capacity to receive.
If you want to increase your income beyond what’s “normal” for your family, culture, or past — your nervous system needs to feel safe doing that. Otherwise, the body will sabotage it.
Beliefs like:
- “If I get rich, I won’t belong.”
- “They’ll resent me.”
- “I’ll be judged.”
…live in the body, not just the mind. And they need somatic attention.
This is sacred work. And you don’t have to do it alone.
A daily practice of creating deep safety is the most powerful abundance work I know.
So, dear reader — may you feel deeply secure within. May your foundation feel strong enough to hold everything you desire.
And may you feel safe to receive all the abundance you wish for.